Teets on a Plane
by FluffyWithAGun
Summary: A totally normal and non-eventful day in the Akatsuki organization. Enter at your own risk. 'Cuz this sh**'s cray.


Author's note;

**HEY FUCKERS! **

**GUESS WHOS FUCKING ALLIIIIIIIVEEEEEEE!?**

**Not the Akatsuki. **

**Wait... what? Nothing. Too soon.**

**Anyway, in our last wonderful piece of brain-tumor causing art, we received several complaints about our foul, foul, foul, inconsiderate, horrible... foul language. And so we decided to make this steaming pile of dogshit for you. **

**Enjoy.**

**-o-**

Once upon a time in a land far far away, there was a group of little bastards that thought they were the shit, only they weren't because the only shitters around here were known as the Akatsuki.

And damn did they like to shit.

But more importantly, they fucked up other people's shit, all the time, Because they're awesome.

"Alright you fuckeaters let's go fuck shit up." The leader, known as Pein said.

"WHOAWHOAWHOA!" Yelled Hidan, an albino little fuck. "According to the fucking rating here, leader. We fucking cuss to fucking goddamn much."

Pein slapped his asshole off and then kicked him in the face while pulling his own copy of the ratings from his ass.

"Well it's not our fucking fault that the fangirls writing this shit are fucking retarded. But seeing as we've gotten so many fucking complaints, I believe we have only one motherfucking choice."

And what would that be oh wonderful sexyass leader?" Konan said.

Pein just stared at her retarded ass before pointing to a door that appeared randomly to his right.

Cause everyone knows Konan's a bitch and doesn't get to be in our stories.

So she started crying like the vagina she had and ran out the door which vanished like a magical sack of rainbow bullshit.

Then a magical blonde girly man stepped forward and cleared his throat. "And what the fucking fuckass would that be you shitfucker of a piss-stain leader?...un."

Hidan stood back up after reattaching his butthole to his body and nodded in approval at the blonde who was also known as Deidara's creative cursing.

"We must have... a fucking swear-off!" Pein said dramatically, doing six backflips and then spanking the man standing on his left, who happened to be the dumbass of the group named Tobi.

"Wouldn't the logical answer be to stop swearing, leader-sama?" Tobi said, being weirdly smart and freaking everyone out.

Pein just stared at him and then pointed to the epic door of loser-dom that appeared once again to his right.

Tobi flailed like a whore as he ran crying like the bitch he was through the door, because he's goddamn annoying and we don't wanna fucking write about his douche-tarded ass.

"Lets fucking proceed." Pein said.

"Who the fuckk-ck-ck goes first?" Sasori choked out a giant ass cloud of marijuana smoke, over in the corner of the room.

"Well fucking duh Sasori! WE HAVE TO PLAY ROCK, FUCKING PAPER, FUCKING SCISSORS!" Hidan screamed right in Sasori's little wooden whore face. He spun around dramatically while flailing his arms like a dumb bitch. "ME! YOU FUCKING BUNCH OF RETARD ASSFUCKS!"

The screeching maniac of a man was then violently slammed into the wall so hard by Leader that his head popped off, sailed across the room and smashed right into Kisame's big blue testicals. Hidan screamed like a girl and his headless body pissed itself.

Then everyone proceeded to play hacky sack with his dismembered cranium.

"SHUT YOUR DUMB FUCKING MOUTH YOU PISSING LITTLE BITCH!" Leader said.

"Dear sweet baby Jashin all wrapped up in a manger on a cold summers night. WHY DON'T YOU SHAVE THOSE FUCKING THINGS YOU SHARK-TARD!?"

Kisame kicked his head over to Itachi who kicked it to Deidara who totally fucking missed and then it went bouncing into Zetsu's doghouse. Hidan screamed the scream of death before finally Kakuzu ran in there and saved his stupid fucking face from being eaten alive.

"We need to set up some ground rules first." He said, tossing Hidan's head back over into the hackey-sack circle.

"Yeah, first of all," Sasori said, sitting like a little antisocial fuck over in the corner and not sharing his mary-fucking-goddamn-jane. "Hidan should have to _not _cuss, because he'd beat all our little assholes so badley that they'd turn inside out and then disentigrate in a little pile of SHIT!"

"OH YOU COCKSUCKING BUNCH OF DUMBSHIT LITTLE CHEATING CUNTBUBBLE FUCKDAMNERS! Thats not even fair." He said, all fucking calm and shit even though he had feet repeatedly smashing into his face.

"Shut the fuck up you pissant. It's perfectly fair! Leader said, randomly pulling out a stable gun and giving himself a new face piercing. "And if you do swear then we'll just beat the shit out of your defenseless body over here." He said, kung-fo'ing the shit out of said defenseless body and then breakdancing like a bamf on top of it.

"GET YOUR FIRE CROTCHETY ASS OFF OF ME YOU FARTEATING ASSMASTER!" Hidan squealed and bit onto Deidei's toe when the girly-man-girl went to kick him. Cuz Dei isnt Fucking smart enough to wear god damn shoes.

The blonde fairy started to erratically wave his leg around in the air screaming about how he just painted his stupid girl toenails and Hidans teeth were ruining them.

Sasori made a nasty fucking gagging noise and covered his wooden lips with his hand, "How the living bloody fuck do you have his diseased smelly bitch feet in your mouth!?"

Kazu giggled, thats right he giggled (and it was fucking scary people). "The little whores had worse in his mouth, im sure." He said while nodding his head.

"STOP PICKING ON ME YOU COCKSUCKING TIT DIRT EATING BABY BITCH FUCKS!" Hidan screamed as he let go of deis icky toe. "Today is Wednesday! Not Thursday. Thursday is pick on hidan day you bunch of ass farmers.." The last was said with a whine and Hidan puppy eyes.

"Well maybe if you'd quit FLAPPING YOUR DIRTY WHORE MOUTH we would leave you alone." Leader said, suddenly riding a unicycle on a tightrope over a mini-volcano filled with kittens instead of lava that he must've pulled right the fuck out of his ass because even the writers of this shit-flick aren't sure how that happened.

Then he proceeded to pull out a vegetable peeler and peel a bag of rotten potatoes onto Hidan's body. "And I already told you to STOP FUCKING CUSSING YOU DUMPSTER GRINDING VAGINAFACE!

"FUCK YOU AND THE TEN GALLON FUCKING HAT YOU FUCKING FLEW IN ON LIKE A MAGIC GODDAMN FUCKING CARPET!" Hidan squawked back.

"Don't you talk shit on flying magic carpet hats!" Said Itachi who was now dressed as a genie and balancing on Kisame's head.

"And why in the name of all fuckholery are you naked Kisame?"

The shark bitch immediatly started wailing and running in circles at this. "I CAN'T HELP IT THESE WRITERS ARE PSYCHOTIC! andalsoIthoughtwewerehavinganorgy."

"USE SPACES WHEN YOU TALK YOU BEAVERCOCK NO ONE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!" Sasori schreeched like a banshee, obviously having accidentally smoked a new form of smokeable LCD that was created just for this circumstance and will be immediatly destroyed when this story is over instead of weed.

"OOOOORRRGGGYYYYYYYY!" Kisame cried in all caps.

"Ooh my god I hate when people type like that!" Kakuzu yelled, slapping his hands over his covered ears. "It feels like my eardrums are going to explode!"

"KAKUZU YOURE NOT GODDAMN FUCKING GODDAMN FUCKING GODDDDAAAMMMMMM SWEARING ENOUGH!" Pein screamed in his face, pulling out a megaphone from his ass which is apparently a fucking worm hole or some shit.

"YOU'RE INSULTIIIINNNNGGG THE REAADDDEERRRRSSSS WITH YOUR LAAAAACK OF PROFFESIONALISM!"

"WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING OUT YOUR WORDS LIKE THAT LEADER OH MY GOD IM GONNA CHOP OUT YOUR VOICEBOX!" Sasori shrieks grabbing a butcherknife resting convienitly beside zetsu's doghouse.

"Can we _please_ stop screamig at each other in caps? It's hurting my eyes." Itachi says, rubbing at his blindass bitcheyes.

Then Tobi runs randomly through the scene with his arms in the air screaming "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!" Before the door appeared again and Pein scizzor-kicked him out of it.

Amidst all this chaos, Hidan had managed to roll his decapitated head back over to his body and super glue himself back together. The white ass psychotic man then ran up to leader and stole both his staple gun and his megaphone and proceeded to staple his mouth shut like 60 times, shoved him to the ground and leaned down right in leaders ginger face with the megaphone.

"FUUUUUCCCCCKK YOOURRRR MOTHERRRRRR!" Hidan screech then kicked him in said face just for good measure.

All the yelling was really starting to hurt Itachi's blindass eyes so he hissed and pounced on Hidan, attempting to get that cockdamned megaphone away from the lunatic.

Then suddenly.

Something happened.

And it was like...

Something... amazing...

Zetsu explodes from his doghouse while a laserlight show played in the background and started dancing to M.J.'s 'Beat it.' Except there was no music so he was just thrusting wildly into his own hand repeatedly.

And everyone else was wierded right the fuck out.

Then a stray laserbeam and struck Dei right through his blonde little girly man girl head and he got dead. Everyone screamed like a bunch of horny asain schoolgirls and started doing jumping jacks.

Kisame got a double boner right across the sky, which no one knows how that's even possible, and everyone started freaking out even more because they realized that the authors of this bullshit are about to brutally murder each and every fucking one of their little bitchfaces.

Itachi hopped on his magic carpet that he had to carefully extract from Leader's ass, who was still tied up and bleeding a slow and painful staple-induced death, and proceeded to get the bloody fuck out of there. But just then Zetsu's pet radioactive cactus jumped out from the kitchen sink that mysteriously appeared in whatever fucking room they were in... which is apparently the kitchen.

But Kakuzu, realizing suddenly that he'd never had a mid-life crisis, decided to become superman and ripped off his clothes, sporting a pink sparkley leotard with leopard -print frilly panties and a rainbow cape that rains glitter.

He heroically jumped in the way of Zetsu's radioactive cactus screaming "AASSS BUURRGERRRSS!" Cause that's like totally his catch-phrase as a super-hero and was gobbled whole by the flying prickled plant.

And the panic escalated.

But we don't care.

Cause Itachi fucking blew a hole in the roof and escaped using his blind-person eyebeams that actually shot out of his toenails instead of his eyes so ... Yeah. That can't happen.

So instead of escaping through the hole Itachi missed completley because, guys, he's fucking blind, and smashed into the ceiling and then plummeted down to his death.

Meanwhile Sasori is still shrieking like a fucking pterodacyl with PTSD waving his butcher knife around like a crazy person. Finally he stoppes and holds up his finger and vomits sawdust all over Pein-sama's lifeless body. And then strikes a heroic pose with his ass in the air and goes fucking AWOL on that motherfucking cactus bitch motherfucker. Ass.

And he hacked and slashed his way through that little body to rescue his dear old fucking OLD friend Kakuzu from the midst of battleing the innards of the cruel beast who ate him. But unfortunatly when he pulled him out he found nothing but a bunch of string that had been sliced into spaghetti. Then they all took turns eating the Kaku-sketti.

Then they all threw up.

There were rainbows everywhere, it was glorious.

Nooo fucking idea where they came from.

"I CAN'T GO ON WITHOUT YOU 'TAAAAACHIII!" Kisame suddenly screamed, ripping a fucking chainsaw from Leaders dead asshole, which is gross. And that's why he proceeded to shove it through his ribcage while weeping like the manliest man that was never really a man.

And he also got dead.

So Sasori and Hidan just kind of stand there staring at each other for like, somewhere around the approximate estimation of like... 4657486541234 years, wondering who was next.

Then, seeing as it had been 4657486541234 years, they figured they were probably safe, so instead of freaking the fuck out, started an all-male acapella group with just two people. Which isn't all that awesome, so instead of singing with their mouths, they sang with their assholes.

That's right. Fart joke.

And they lived happily ever after.

Until Konan and Tobi realized that the door of epic loser-dom was no longer blocked off and they emerged with battlecries while dressed as vikings, because apparently they were in another dimension or some shit, whatever, Konan had a beard.

It was blue.

And they proceeded to dance merrily through the corpses of their fallen comrades until they realized two were missing.

And that's how you leave a cliffhanger for a sequel.

The end.

-o-

A/N-

So, thanks for reading, please leave reviews. While you're at it, probably go down to the nearest health clinic and be sure that your brains have not melted into chocolate pudding. Because we will fucking find you and eat that shit.

You're welcome.

Now get the fuck out.


End file.
